EVERY DOG REACTION is some variation on, “Am I getting fed?”


MY YEARS IN THE CULT were only in leadership roles.

SOMETIMES I like to go on Facebook and post “Too soon!” just to make random people feel guilty.

Least likely found in NYC on Halloween — sexy tiger, sexy nurse, sexy witch, or sexy prostitute?

THINGS THAT WILL make you jump:
* The mac daddy
* The daddy mac
* Kris-Kross

dude you’re getting a dell

BAD NEWS FROM THE YEAR 2000: “Dude, you’re getting Adele.”

ANY COMPLAINT YOU MAKE about technology today could have been a punchline for George Jetson in 1963.

IRONY. “Go to Church” by Ice Cube is inappropriate for church.

LESSON LEARNED: Never trust a monkey with anything important.

DRUG CARTELS IN BRAZIL are planning riots they call the World Cup of Violence, though they could have named it for the crowd at pretty much any soccer match.